Keep the sun on your face

I am trying to be always surrounded by people and doing lots of activities. I realise that the more I laugh, dance and talk, the more peolpe are happy with me and invite me to go out. When I am outside I try to push all the bad thoughts in the bottom of my stomach and to shake them up during my bellydance classes. A couple of sentences still echoes in my mind and hurt me very badly. I am sure i did not deserve them. I have lots of anger inside and I'm starting from it to recover. With this anger inside all the memories take a new shape. But maybe that's how it meant to be.

I love concerts. They are at the top of my wishlist, after necklaces and before sunbathing. They give me adrenalina. Olso is the perfect place to see concerts, as both internationally known  and gorgeous local bands play here in Olso and the venues are always packed with people. The day after you hail the the icy morning with an exciting motif in your mind and the drumbeat in your forehead. Concerts are the thing I mostly missed in Cairo or in my hometown, where either you had always the same band playing or the place was too far or my friends were often too lazy to come with me. Here I have friends who have the same musical tastes as I and I just need a ten minute-bus ride to reach the venue.

I don't like guys misunderstanding. They make me feel awkward. Playing with my hair, smiling, being "physical" as they say, is simply my way of being. I am transparent, hot-blooded and this is my way of shortening distances with people. The risk is encouraging people to say I love you but I have two children. Or, why you let me go home alone. Or, worse, we are on different levels.

But I don't want to restrain myself. My smile is simply my welcome. My tears are your embarassment. "When i saw you crying, i felt i was a beast", O. told me once. My dance is my release.

A friend advised me to take vitamins to supply the lack of sun. In addition to the anti-depression lamp.
I'll just follow the I Ching response that I got in September. "Be like the sun at midday" and push the storm away from you.